Because you loved me
by A.Single.Gal
Summary: A fic about Sara's life I wrote it as a farewell fic and right now I'm glad that well she's saved and okay! yay!


_Dedicated to __**HighRoadS2**__ the best Beta ever :0)_

_**A/N:**__ I wrote this thing a few days ago, with the idea to make it a farewell FanFic, and well I just wanted to share it with you; actually I didn't know how the episode was going to end, so it's based in the previews of the episode._

_Oh and so you know, I was crying the whole time while typing :0P _

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When I was a kid, the only thing that you could see and hear around my house were yelling and violent fights, but you know, when you are a kid you think that everything that happens around you is normal, and "it's the way everybody lives", and I wasn't an exception, until one day I witnessed how my mother killed my father, and I found out how that's not the way you should live.

From there I moved from one foster home to another, and I learned to do things by myself. I grew up to become a strong, independent woman.

During my teenage years I developed a unique passion for science, literature and simply learning. I liked to call it my "escape" from the real world.

High school wasn't that bad, though. I didn't mess with anybody and nobody messed with me, I was a "loner geek" if you want a label. I then graduated from Harvard and got a job for the coroner's office in San Francisco.

I was glad for how my life had turned out; I had a nice job doing what I liked, and I couldn't ask for more. I'd been working for the coroner's office for about five years when I was invited to this lecture. I've never heard about the speaker before, but people at my office that had weren't glad at all. I just thought that it couldn't be that bad, so I decided to go.

You know how people say that things happen for a reason? Well, they sure do, because making the decision to go was one of the best I ever made. I met him there, and after he ended the lecture I couldn't resist introducing myself. We shook hands, and the few minutes that we talked were enough to realize that he was just something else.

I remember I went back home that day and couldn't stop thinking about him. The next day, after his lecture, he came to me and asked me to join him for a cup of coffee – obviously, I agreed. We had a deep connection and a similar philosophy, we had the same taste in books, and we both lived for science. Every minute that we spent talking that night just made me realize that this feeling I felt was nothing like I'd ever felt, and I didn't know what it was. I just hoped he felt it too.

Unfortunately, he had to go back to Las Vegas where he worked, but we exchanged phone numbers and I just wished that I could see him again.

It had been a few months since then, and I couldn't stop thinking about him. He was so handsome and smart, sure he was a little older, but I've never cared about that. I was working late one night when my cell phone rang – it was him, and he told me that one of his team members had gotten shot that day, and that he needed my help for the case. One of my weaknesses is that I read too much into things, so you know I was so glad that he called and the fact that he "needed me" that I immediately agreed to help him with his case.

I flew to Vegas, and met him at that Las Vegas Crime Lab. The butterflies I felt back in San Francisco when I was with him was still there, and I hope it didn't show, but I was really nervous. We had lunch and he gave me the details about the case.

Unfortunately another girl, Catherine, was working on the case, and even though she was very hostile toward me, I didn't care. I just wanted to impress him. I managed to work with Catherine but wished with every second that her hostility toward me would pass. We're just two different types of women, her and me.

We eventually solved the case, so my work there was done. He offered to drive me to the airport. On our way there, I kept wishing that I could stay for a few more days, but I knew that was impossible – I had to go back to San Francisco, but I just couldn't believe this was it.

When we were at my gate, I said goodbye and turned to leave, but he grabbed my hand and told me to wait. He got nervous – which was rare for him – and took a deep breath, and asked me to stay. It felt as if he was asking me to marry him, you know what I mean? When someone pops that question you've been waiting to hear all along? Here is another of my weaknesses – acting instinctively. I was there looking into his firm blue eyes – which were fixed on my own chocolate brown ones – and I couldn't say no. From that moment I just couldn't visualize my life without him.

I did told him that I need to flight back to San Francisco, so our goodbye was a "see you soon" – a "soon" I couldn't wait to come.

When I arrived back in San Francisco I quit to my "dream job" and said goodbye to the life I thought couldn't get better. Guess I was wrong about that ordeal, because in that moment I felt that all the missing puzzle pieces in my life were falling into place.

I was about to start a new life, and even though at the beginning it didn't turn out to be what I expected, I'm proud I never gave up and now I don't regret that it actually happened that way. I admit that I never understood his point of view about what happened between us, but at that moment, I think I finally did.

My first year in the Vegas crime lab was interesting. The guys weren't used to me, and didn't like that I was a level higher than most of them, though I liked to think that their hostility had also to do with the bond I had with him. But it didn't take much for me to win their trust and affection. We ended up being a close team.

Eventually my feelings for him grew deeper, and with that, confusion did too; it seemed that he had moved on, but at the same time that he wanted the same thing I did.

I thought that time would make things easier, but I was wrong. I'd been working at the lab for about two years when I started to believe that he had lost any respect for me – you might call me a fool, and yeah, sometimes I think I was for taking all that crap from him. I only wanted to understand him, but it seemed as if he lived behind closed doors, and he wouldn't open them for anyone.

Anyways, I made my mind and decided to leave him behind – and let me tell you, this was not easy at all… And later I even found out that I hadn't ever really accomplished this feat. But I met Hank, and to me he just started as an escape, a choice to move on, but I ended up dating him for almost a year. The reason we ended what we had was because he had "another woman" – but I don't blame the screw up on him – after all, I was still pining over another man – whether or not I knew it at the time.

Later that year there was an explosion in the lab, and I think that explosion gave me the guts to ask him out… But he just said that he "didn't know what to do about this". I remember feeling like he slapped me across the face, but I'm very stubborn, so you can guess that I didn't just give up.

The next year was complicated – at times I didn't know whether I make it through, living each day watching him, wondering what was going on inside his head and what went wrong. My offer to start a relationship with him created this uncomfortable environment between us, and I didn't know what to do about it. We had this case one time – it was a case which he took too personally – this doctor was dating a nurse and she was way younger than him, and the nurse dumped him for someone else. It ended up that the doctor couldn't take it, so he killed them both… It seemed that in some way the doctor gave everything up to be with her.

Nobody understood why the case was such a big deal for him, but in the end I did. He saw himself in that doctor, and how the doctor chose love over everything that he had ever worked for – he even admitted that he couldn't do it himself. Hearing this didn't help at all, and I got mad. In that moment I felt like he preferred work over our relationship. I never told him that I hear him that night, though.

Living with that secret – that knowledge – made me start drinking. Not understanding him and just trying to find a reason why was destroying me. One day while driving back home I got stop by a police officer, he noticed I was driving under the influence of alcohol. They called my supervisor, which was not good at all; after all, I was living this because of him. The moment I heard his footsteps enter the room I felt horrible and humiliated, but he just took seat next to me, held my hand and offered to drive me home.

After that I had to go to these PEAP meetings, which even though that I didn't have a drinking problem, helped. They kind of made us talked about what was affecting me.

You know all the "history" that we had made that kind of difficult, but one day I blew up with Catherine and Ecklie, so without planning it, we ended up talking about my "problems". I remember telling him about my family that day… I've never told anybody about my family before. That day, I felt like we had moved forward.

All that tension between us started to disappear, we even communicated more easily. It just felt like way back when we just met.

It didn't take long for him to finally take _the step_ forward, and in the matter of two months we were finally in that dream relationship – the one I knew both of us were wishing would happen all along. We've been dating for over two years now.

We decided to keep it a secret, and at the beginning we even mocked our co-workers for being so clueless. But with time we just accepted that we were better secret keepers than they investigators.

We decided to take it slow, and at first we did, but… well, we'd been dating for about seven month when he asked me to move in with him. I think that for the first time in my life, I actually felt loved.

Moving in with someone is something big and more complicated than it sounds, I soon discovered. After all, it means to go to bed with this person next to you and wake up with the same person the next day, for, well, ideally the rest of your life. It means that you have to live for the two of you.

But don't get me wrong, I was thrilled that he wanted to take that big step with me. But I thought it was too soon for us, I mean after all we've been through. He got mad at first, but he finally accepted my decision and respected it. Eventually, however, I gave in and moved in with him – he, I feel I should mention, was one of my weaknesses as well. Later on, I convinced him to get a dog.

This past year, things were great between us, we were having fun together, we trusted each other, and our co-workers didn't have a clue about our relationship. Things at work got interesting, though. We've been working this case together about a serial killer that leaves these miniature replicas behind of the crime she just committed.

This girl is a genius, I must admit. She made us scratch our heads for a year. Her name is Natalie and she has had five victims so far. The first one was a famous rock star, the second one was an old lady addicted to nicotine, the third a guy that worked at chicken processing plant, the forth a psychiatric doctor, and all of above had only one thing in common, bleach… Except for the fifth victim, me.

Natalie is a very complicated woman; she has some issues, like when she was a little girl she killed her sister, so her dad couldn't take it and gave her in adoption – something the two of us had in common – and Ernie, one of her foster parents, used to adopt kids, and one of them ended up being Natalie. I think that the only person that ever loved Natalie was Ernie, and she loved him back.

We had an incident with the third case involving her miniatures, we hadn't had a suspect then and Ernie was our only hope. I think he knew about Natalie's victims and couldn't take it, though at the same time couldn't expose her to the police, so he instead killed himself.

Natalie blamed Ernie's death on him, and there for, she decided to make him pay it by kidnapping me and throwing me under this mustang from one of my latest cases. Why that mustang? I have no idea.

So there I was; trapped under that car, thinking about how great my life had turned out. Unfortunately, it started to rain, and it took a few minutes for the mustang to be surrounded by water.

Only a few minutes later, I was gone. I drowned trapped in that mustang because he – the love of my life – loved me back. Gil Grissom loved me so much that it killed me.

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_**A/N 2:**__ AIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE SQUEEEEEEEEEE thank God Sara is tough and strong enough that she well made it through … I'm so happy that I'm actually shaking while typing. Anyways, as you know I wrote this just in case, based on the overdramatic previews we had of "dead doll". I hope you liked it._

_And… __**LONG LIFE TO SARA SIDLE!!!!**_


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